


you were the first one who really loved me

by atitforatat



Series: the romance series [13]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/F, Letters, Minor Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Time Skip, supportive parents, yachi writes a letter to her mom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:20:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25657321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atitforatat/pseuds/atitforatat
Summary: Even though the pretty girl talking to her on that awfully hot corridor flooded with people was the starting point for her to start living, someone else paved the way for her to get there. This is a thing about (and for) that someone.
Series: the romance series [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1673896
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	you were the first one who really loved me

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [First Man](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9oaWAje43k)
> 
> We don't get a lot of parents in Haikyuu, but I want to give some special attention to this one, so please have Yachi thanking her mother and being gay for Shimizu (:
> 
> English is not my first language, pls forgive me for any mistakes

It was just another late night for Madoka Yachi when she got home that night. She got the correspondence, looked quickly through it, saw something with Hitoka’s name on it, but didn’t give it any further thought, and went to get a bath and something to eat. Sometimes, she thought while cooking dinner for one, she missed living with someone else, even if it was her daughter or a partner. Having her freedom to come and go was sweet, but she also missed having someone to welcome her home. She might bring up the “moving together” topic with her boyfriend. Maybe it would be good since they were both always running around and never got much time with each other.

While eating her lazy dinner – precooked ramen with some chicken, she picked up the envelope she saw before. It was a letter from Hitoka and her girlfriend, Shimizu. While reading it, Madoka couldn’t hold her tears back. She was quite happy about being alone at that moment since it was a very intimate instant. When she finished reading, there was only one thing on her mind, _My Hitoka indeed grew up, huh_.

The letter read:

“Tokyo, August 1, 2020.

_Dear mom,_

_Yesterday, while we were eating dinner, Shimizu and I talked about the future, mine, hers, ours. We talked about where we are going with ourselves and with each other and we couldn’t point exactly where, never mind when, we are taking everything, but we could, and we did, think about how important our past, together and separate, is for our future, again, mine, hers, ours. It all led me to think about you._

_It is a universally known fact that I only started living after Shimizu stopped me in a very crowded corridor during a very hot day. Even if I wanted to, and we both know I don’t, I could never deny how important she was in the forming process of my current life. I now know each country in South and North America personally and she was there with me! Basically, Shimizu helped me to treat life like it was supposed to._

_But she came to me when I was ready for her (you know I’m incapable of not believing in destiny and right moments, etc.). I was ready to enter something way bigger than me and her, than our future selves and everyone else too. The volleyball club was so much more than just a club, it didn’t stop when all of us graduated, nor will it stop when Takeda-sensei and Coach Ukai retire. It is something that outlives us all and I only know that now, but I respected and, at least I think, I treated how it should and wanted to be treated._

_It may seem like I am just rambling and putting out the nonsense in an emotional way, but I promise there is a point to all of this. And here comes it: mom, you prepared me for it, for everything I lived and for everything I will still experience._

_We already discussed and you apologized about being away too much and being cold and all the other things I thank you for recognizing that you needed to apologize for, and change. Even with all mistakes, you are an amazing mother and I am not sure I say that enough times._

_Dad left us, he left you, but you have never left me. You gave me so much more than a good education and expensive toys; I am not sure if even you are aware of it. You opened your own firm, you led your own employees, you showed them how it is done and, most importantly, you showed me how we should go. I know some nights you locked yourself in and just cried like the world was ending, and I am proud of you for this too. You are the strongest person I have ever known, and the one I will ever know probably._

_You were always there, in your own way, being a mother, a businesswoman, a boss, and my heroine. I know you missed a lot of my recitals and school plays, but I also know you asked the other parents to record and I have seen you recording the ones you attended. We didn’t have a close relationship, and I know you regret it and that you had the best intentions trying to make me stronger and prepared for life’s hard times acting the way you did._

_But, you know, it was never your distant way or strong image you sold me that made a strong person like you. You know, if we analyzed each thing or course you paid just for me to give up one month later, we would see how much money you always spent even if we both knew I would get tired of the majority of things. You tried watching at least the first class of almost everything I did, and you smiled and said I could do better each of those times._

_I remember, right on my first day of high school, that you said, “go and make friends, be careful with the boys”. I was so careful with boys I ended up letting a girl hit me right in the heart. You prepared me even for love, I guess._

_And you were so scared I would get hurt when I first joined the club, and you said that with the wrong words, but you were also so proud of me when I confirmed I was joining. Then I went to Tokyo with them and fell in love with the city, and later in love with the pretty girl, and we started the letters’ tradition._

_In the second year, when all the third years went away and we rarely saw them, you went to watch one of our matches and Shimizu was there too. I introduced you both and, later, at home, you sort of outed me. I still remember how you looked close to tears when you said: “well, you have good taste”._

_It was just another time you embraced me and was happy to watch me fly by myself. Then, still in the second year, we went to Nationals again, thus to Tokyo, and you took me and offered to take the third years with us because you heard Shimizu was going too. I didn’t know she was lesbian at that moment, but you seemed to be sure about everything. On her birthday that year, you helped me pick out my clothes and told me to be myself like we were going on a date, not to a party with all of our friends._

_(Now that I think about it, you may as well have matched us!)_

_In third year, when I was lost about college and got over Shimizu because we lost contact, you searched almost every existing graduation course with me and you supported me through each crush (and, later, heartbreak) I had. I think I cried over your entire wardrobe and your disgusted, yet worried, face was the sweetest thing I have ever seen._

_I also remember that you came home earlier and cooked dinner almost every day of those months._

_When I finally decided which course (and being Publicity was just so obvious) go to college in Tokyo, because I did fall in love with that awfully big and scary city (it still reminds me of volley with its big people and scary balls), you made sure I wouldn’t need to work and could focus solely on studying. I did work, and we kind fought about it, but, in the end, you won and studying without having to work was really better, I admit it._

_I encountered her in Tokyo while searching for a gift for Hinata. Mom, do you still remember how I called you? I went back to be the old and wrecking ball of anxiety I used to. She was so beautiful, mom. Well, you know that already since you were the one I called as soon as I got home. God, I had a real gay panic there. Tanaka was also there, and they looked so cozy that, for an awful moment, I thought they were married. But, as I got the nerve to ask later, thanks to you saying I shouldn’t panic, they weren’t. She was single and lesbian and probably still my biggest high school crush even though I never cried for her._

_I ended up not buying Shouyou’s gift that day and went back there again. And again. Until she gave me her phone and you know the rest since I called you every time something happened. I still laugh when I remember how nervous I was when you guys officially met as mother and daughter in law. How you forgot I was there and kept talking about me._

_It was in that moment I realized I never had room for men in my life. I never missed dad and never thought about not missing him because you never left an empty room in my life for me to even consider needing another parent. The last room was Shimizu’s and, even if it took some time, she claimed it already._

_Mom, I have seen so many wonderful places and met so many nice people, but I could never find two things that represented home more than you, Shimizu and Tokyo ever did._

_I know I only talked about how you influenced my relationship with her, but this is me trying to keep this letter short (and I know I failed but remember this is all because I love you). And the reason for this letter is, in very short words, I promise, is that when I said we don’t know the where nor the when was for our marriage?_

_You know I could never love someone else (maybe a daughter or a son, but that is a bit too soon, I guess), and marrying Shimizu seems like the natural course to follow. We can’t marry in Japan yet, so we are thinking about getting married somewhere in America. This is our informal way of inviting you, but it is my formal way of saying in the paper, and in a thing, you can keep forever, that I love you a lot and I am thankful and proud of my own luck for having you as my mother._

_Thank you not only for being and doing all the things I said above and the ones I didn’t put on paper, but that you know you did (and if you don’t I will write a letter about them too), but for simply existing and being yourself and never lying to me._

_And, I know you may be just like you were when I first said I was joining a club with a bunch of crazy people, but, mom, you loved me and treated me so well, I was just able to find a love that treated me right too._

_You prepared me not only for life but for myself when you were the first one who really loved me, setting the example for when I started to love myself too._

_Love,_

_Hitoka._

_PS: Shimizu sends her love and promises a very real, very formal, and very beautiful invitation designed by us._

_PS¹: Excited to hear more about your new boyfriend in your next letter._ ”

While reading each word, the older Yachi laughed, cried, and got nostalgic, missing those moments a small Hitoka would show the brightest smile just from seeing her mother from afar. She didn’t know if the tears on the letter were original from Hitoka crying while writing, if those wet spots were hers or if they were a mix of both (the most possible one, she knew).

She regretted a lot of things when it came to how she raised Hitoka and she was very aware of the many mistakes she committed. She could never regret Hitoka though.

When the girl was, as she said, _outed_ by her mom, she didn’t fear rejection from her mother. She was shy from talking about love and girls with her mother, but never expected rejection. Even with all the cold demeanor, Madoka showed around her. She loved her daughter even more that day. She also changed her parenting method.

Madoka was so happy for her. She expected loving girls would exclude the possibility of suffering as she did for a man. Apparently, she was a bit wrong, but most of Hitoka’s tears were caused more for teenage drama than real love pain. Shimizu never caused her daughter any pain and, for that, she was thankful.

Madoka could never, even if she tried, have more luck in the world with the daughter she was given. The thing about Hitoka that would never change is that she would always see the good someone else did for her, but she would never see the good she did for herself and the others.

With her food pushed aside and forgotten, she decided that she would get a nice rest with these words in her heart. In the end, Madoka concluded that Hitoka never understood that she was also the first one who really loved her mother.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading :D
> 
> Officially, this is supposed to be the last fic but I'm writing out of the order so it may be a while until the right order is set


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